Once upon a time in my life, I thought that when my partner and I were ready to have a baby, it would be a piece of chocolate cake with vanilla icing… Yummy!

Truth is, it is not that easy to find GOOD chocolate cake with vanilla icing and well, for some people, getting pregnant or conceiving is a very challenging process. For others, it is not only difficult, it is down right just NOT BIOLOGICALLY POSSIBLE.

Ok, let me explain.

To create a tiny human, the birds and the bees get together and then boom, out come a human child 40 weeks later. Oh Come On, you got “The Talk,” from your parents or guardian, you know how these things happen *Smile, Smile, Wink, Wink*.

Seriously, biologically speaking, it takes an egg from a woman and sperm from a man and the two must meet. When this happens, the egg is fertilized, and must then find its way and attach to the uterus also known as a woman’s womb. After this point, Abracadabra, magic happens that is beyond the scope of this article but may be discussed at some point in a later post. Overall, if all goes well with the magical process, it results in a successful pregnancy and the countdown to baby begins.

So, what could go wrong here and why doesn’t the process go seamlessly everyone?

For starters, let’s look at some possible places where a hiccup could happen in the process for the woman, the source of the egg.

1. The woman could potentially have issues with her sexual reproductive organs (the ovaries, fallopian tubes, uterus, etc.). They could be diseased (i.e. uterine fibroids), deformed (i.e. divided (septate) womb) or missing all together (Mayer-Rokitansky-Küster-Hauser syndrome). Many times, women don’t even realize that something is wrong internally until they are trying to get pregnant and it is just not happening. This is one good reason to check-in with a gynecologist (a doctor that specializes in women’s reproductive health) for a total health check-up during the “family planning” process. This one step can really be informative and hopefully help to ease the mind.
2. The woman’s hormones could literally be all over the place, the wrong places that is. Hormones play a huge role in the pregnancy process (i.e. maturing of the egg, release of the egg, attachment of fertilized egg to the uterus). Some people spend months to years trying to conceive only to find out later that they were likely not making the correct hormones at the right time or that they were failing to make the necessary amounts needed for the magic to happen. Again, making sure that there are no underlying health issues with key hormone regulators such as with the thyroid and the pituitary gland is definitely worth a trip to the doctor as well.
3. The woman’s stress levels could be through the roof, which is really high! We all know that stress is not good for the health in general but for some reason, this sometimes slips the mind when talking about pregnancy. Well, let’s be honest, stress does not get factored in at all in most cases. However, physical, emotional and mental stress can each have a negative impact on the process; sometimes manifesting itself as irregular menstrual periods. For the woman trying to get pregnant, this means that the egg release process is not functioning properly. Examples include exercises that the body may not be accustomed to, a crazy workload/toxic work environment, Oh and let’s not forget about the people that feel the need to ask the woman (hardly ever the man) over and over when they are planning to have a baby. These are all stressors, and should be avoided.

And now, a side note to the “Inquiring Minds” who love to target the women in a relationship:

Please STOP! Believe me when I say that no one likes answering this question and you may be causing someone a lot of emotional stress by doing so, especially if you are a repeat offender. You never know what issues people are dealing with or if they have been trying for years. Just know that in due time, Mother Nature will reveal to you if a baby is on the way. Thank you. Now back to the regularly scheduled program.

4. A woman’s immune system could be attacking the sperm. Say Whaaat? Yep, it’s true. The woman can make anti-sperm antibodies. Why? Well, let’s face it, sperm are foreign objects to the woman’s body. In some women, the mere presence of sperm means an all-out war. Unfortunately, this means that for these women, the number of contenders fighting to fertilize their egg is drastically reduced if not totally eliminated. The good news is that the sperm combat is not a common condition… but it is certainly a possibility worth keeping in mind.
5. Lastly, let’s talk about Age baby, while trying to have a baby, let’s talk about all the warnings and the testing that they do, let’s talk about it…Remix! (Shout out to Salt-N-Pepa who actually talked about sex :). But seriously, Age can be a factor when trying to get pregnant. A woman is born with all the eggs that she will ever have in her lifetime, which she slowly loses as she gets older. Not only do the number of eggs decrease gradually with age but also the remaining eggs could be more prone to defects (typically in later years, upper 30s to 40s). But…there’s hope! With all the advances in medicine, women have options including preserving “young” eggs (*wink*wink*).

Ok, now that we know a few areas that the egg side of things could go haywire, let’s turn our attention to the sperm side of pregnancy, a.k.a the matters concerning the man.

Men produce millions of sperm daily and when you have something (sperm factory) working that hard, Every Single Day, it should be no surprise if something goes wrong somewhere, some of the time, for some people.

Below are a few things to keep in mind in the initial “let’s make a baby stage” when family planning isn’t going as planned.

1. Are all sexual reproductive organs working as expected i.e. sperm factory (testicles) and the sperm dispenser (penis)? It is not only important for the woman to get a complete health check-up but it is also necessary for the man to do the same.
2. Is the product (sperm) being produced in mint condition? Things to consider include the amount of sperm produced, and the quality of sperm produced (are they alive? are they healthy swimmers? etc).
3. Is the man’s stress in check? Whether emotional, mental, physical, …You Name It… every kind of stress is bad and could negatively affect the sperm count and the quality of sperm produced. So, it goes without saying even though I’m about to say it anyway,  IT IS BEST NOT TO STRESS. 
4. What’s the age of the man? As mentioned above, men produce sperm daily, and as should be expected, aging can take a toll on the sperm making processes. For men, it could mean a reduction in the sperm regulating hormones, as well as the amount and quality of the sperm produced not to mention their ability to deposit the sperm. But, as it is true for women, it is also true for men in that all hope is not lost. Medical treatment options including hormone therapy are available for certain age related issues.

So, as you can see, getting pregnant is definitely not a piece of cake (chocolate cake with vanilla icing that is).  There are many things to consider and many factors at play. However, one thing to be grateful for is that in today’s world (2019), there are options. For example, in vitro fertilization (IVF) can be used if the sperm and egg are having a hard time meeting, a surrogate uterus can be used if there are reproductive issues with the woman’s organs, and donor sperm or egg can be used if production or quality is a problem.

In the end, something to keep in mind is that things generally happen when and how they are suppose to happen, regardless of what you may have planned for yourself or penciled in your calendar. Excuse me, I meant typed in your phone. No, No, No, I meant told Alexa (or insert virtual assistant of choice) to add to your Google calendar.

Alrighty then (in my Jim Carey voice), that’s it for now! Definitely leave a comment if you want to discuss other potential issues that were not mentioned here or if you want to expound on any of the areas that were mentioned.

Also, I love a good success story, so you are welcome to share in the comment section your challenges while trying to conceive. How long did it take? Did you take advantage of some of the options available? I look forward to the discussion.